“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.”
― Napoléon Bonaparte
When I think of the last ten to eleven months, I am reminded of training for three to four half marathons in quick succession of each other. Every day is a challenge, whether it is mental, spiritual, or even physical. The last two semesters of getting any degree, not just an MBA, is a sprint to the finish. There are meetings to talk about meetings, group sessions and projects that go awry, pop quizzes, pop tests, and homework that seems to be unending to keep up with your studies.
However, on top of all the school work, there is job searching, figuring out what path you want to travel after this gauntlet, and all of the self doubts and unending questions of what comes after? Or why did I do this? On top of all of this I had received a life altering diagnosis at the start of my summer semester that severely impacted my health the rest of the year. There were days that I was so tired I didn’t want to move, let alone go be productive at school, but I did it anyway. I had quit my job for this degree, threw away my cushy future and went after what I wanted – there was no way I was going to let anything get me down.
I don’t think I have ever been as unsettled before when I thought of my future, as I was finishing my degree requirements mid December, without a job offer in hand. I really felt like I had failed. Or if not failed, performed severely under par. I was by no means the only one feeling this way, but it’s really crushing when the feelings just cascade one on top of the other. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know exactly what my next steps were going to be or what I was going to do.
I was terrified.
After the initial burst of fear that last a couple of days after finishing classes and finals, I woke up one day after one of the deepest sleeps I’d had in months, completely at peace. I didn’t have anywhere to be, nothing to compete with my time; I could do whatever I wanted. Around the same time, my doctor let me know that my health was on the mend.
I had finished the gauntlet, the degree was mine, and the experiences I had had were amazing, terrifying, and could never be replaced or replicated. My health was back on track; I could get back to where I had left off months before-if I wanted to.
Or I could carve out something completely new and actually be able to spend the quality time to get it right for me this time around. Without a job to quickly jump into, I actually had the time to focus on me. And that’s just what I did and what I’m continuing to do. I’m still looking for a job, but I’ve been working also on mentally recharging my batteries, spending time with friends and family, travelling the world, and truly giving myself a break.
The MBA taught me what I needed to know in business, working in teams, and how to become even more successful in the next phase of my career. However, I also learned that sometimes, it’s okay to slow down as well and take time to really live life and not have a plan moving forward.
So am I still internally freaking out every now and again? Sure. Am I letting it rule me? Absolutely not.
Whatever is supposed to happen will eventually happen and not a minute sooner.
Next Up: Travelling Iceland